You know what they say about comparison – it’s the thief of joy.
Boy have I been playing the comparison game strong lately. It’s awful and truly has me all sorts of worked up and overwhelmed. I can hardly get my thoughts straight.
Usually when I get caught up in the comparison game, it is based on looks – hair isn’t blonde enough, teeth aren’t white enough, skin isn’t tan enough, body isn’t toned enough, thigh gap isn’t wide enough.
Ugh. I’m just never enough. But of course, this is just because I scroll Instagram and Pinterest and see all the beauty others share and wonder where my beautiful life is.
Where’s my beautiful life?
Goodness, see what comparison does?
Making me forget that I have six healthy kiddos, dogs, chickens, finally cows I can call my own, a beautiful home that keeps us safe and warm, always food on the table to fill our bellies, a vehicle that fits us all comfortably that we can rely on, vacations planned, and a husband that provides for it all.
Comparison makes me forget all the beautiful things that God has provided us. The babies He’s given us is a miracle in itself.
How quickly comparison makes me forget that not long ago, we were both working 12 hour days, paying someone to raise our son and barely getting by in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment, finding out we were expecting our third baby.
I forget that although we moved into a beautiful old farmhouse of my dreams, we religiously only had $98 left after bills were paid. We had $98 to last us two weeks for gas, groceries, diapers, and essentials.
How blessed we are that that feels like a lifetime ago because we haven’t had to worry like that in years.
Comparison is making me miss the season we are in. The season of the in between. The season of knowing what we want but aren’t able to get there yet. The waiting season. The taking it all in and enjoying where we are season. The raising babies and soaking in the snuggles season. The looking at how far we have come and damn we should be proud season.
Comparison is making me ungrateful for everything we’ve been given because I am looking at tiny squares. Who knows what goes on behind the scenes. It could be a living hell and yet, I wish my life looked like those squares.
Comparison is making me miss moments because I think our life needs to look like others.
Although I say it time and time again, I am over it.
I want to live my life without the comparison. I want to live my life to the fullest where I am at in this moment. I want to enjoy making memories with my babies and raising them in this home where they can come back to when they are older and remember their childhood.
I want to stop looking around and what others have and focus on what God has given us. If He wanted us to have what they have he would have put us on their path.
What am I going to do?
My goal for this next week coming up, is to do a gratitude journal every morning along with studying my bible. I want to really see where writing down my thoughts takes me. I know so many others that do this, let’s see if it really works.
A great point to remember that “it is not my time”. Who knows what happens in the future and God will provide. He may be saying no now, but that doesn’t mean no forever. Maybe he has even grander plans for us that I can’t even imagine.
Either way, it’s time I start making lemonade out of lemons and really sit in the moment.
Whatever God has planned, I am here for it, faithfully.
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